My Struggling with Twilight: Part 2

It’s been quite long since I penned down my thoughts under the title “Twilight” and I thought it was high time I took it further, so here goes, part 2! I’m sure even the Twilight movies can easily beat me to it. Anyhow, this is another one of my trysts with Twilight.  

I’ll begin with what inspired me to write this down. It was just yesterday evening when I was waiting for him to arrive, and I stood by the road in front of a shop. The road that lay ahead of me wore a deserted look. There were a few stray dogs lazily strolling across the road and of course, one or two automobiles which seemed to suddenly appear out of nowhere zoomed past me. Apart from all this, it was relatively a dull evening, windless and it somehow made me feel sad and bored. Now that is a deadly combination, isn’t that! I have no idea why I hate this time of the day; I hate Twilight. As usual, He took a while to arrive, as he does always and as I looked around I could see a television playing inside the house across the road, through its window. All I could figure out was that it was probably a cartoon show and I could also see kids stuck to the TV screen. And this reminded me of the time when I was a slave of television.

It was the happiest time on TV, well before Ekta Kapoor ruined it all. The time when Star Plus wasn’t a popular channel but still was my favourite! I would avidly follow a show called “Star bestsellers” even if it meant reaching my tuitions late by 15 minutes! 

And there was this one show I could never watch but had only seen its promotional ads and it was called “Kshitij ke Uss Aur”(Beyond the horizon). The whole ad was shot during twilight. From the ad it looked like the story was divided into two parts, one was based in Mumbai and another on the other side of Kshitij in Shimla. In Mumbai, the shot was that of a Gunda who has kidnapped this young girl and had held her at rampuri knifepoint! And the other part showcased a couple in their late thirties sitting on a bench amidst pine trees with hot coffee mugs clasped in their hands and with sad, gloomy faces. Surprising! That’s where it all came to an end, the ad I mean!

And I guess the fact that the ad was shot during the twilight hour was the only thing what made it memorable to me. I wonder why. I don’t see anything special about the ad, not even the hunky gunda guy, not even the beautiful beach or breathtaking scenario of Shimla, but still! 

It is so gloomy! Both outside and on the inside! I am sad. I just wish every time I’m immersed in this feeling I have him by my side who would only make this worth enduring! J

Thanks to Richa, harish, Onir, Cindrella, Aamir and a thousand others for making a difference.

And yet, I don’t understand why every year at the end of April my parents invite the whole family for lunch. Mom says “family ko season ka first aam ka ras (we gujjus cant bear a summer without it) toh khilana padta hai na.” :’( and I’m always like “What the....???”.

Ideally in any family a get together means bade bado ke sath and bache bacho ke saath. But the sad thing for me I guess, was that I happened to be the youngest kid in family. And the next in line was 5 years older, leaving me all alone with none to play with!

So it was the same get together “mango” lunch for the so-called mango-crazy people. My school vacation had just started off and I was excited to enter the last year of my middle schooling (7th grade). I was 12 years old and as ignorant and innocent as any 12 year old could have been.

After lunch while everyone sat down chitchatting with each other in the drawing room, my elder cousin, who was I guess 19 years old back then in the context of a pakdapakdi game, dragged me into one of the rooms.

What happened next – I hadn’t imagined it in my wildest imaginations, the time froze and so did I. I was clueless. And the same thing continued for a span of 3 years. It took me that long really, to finally pull myself together and to reach a point where I could finally “disagree” or nod my “dissent”.

Finally when I went to college I got to know about the entire situation, I got to know that I am the victim or survivor of Child Sexual Abuse(CSA), the current laws of India, 2007’s report of UNICEF and Ministry of Women and Child Development - everything was just a mere disappointment.

Years passed and then I saw Harish on Richa Aniruddh’s show “Zindaji Live” on IBN7. I was glad and so happy to see that one person is trying to tell the world about the hidden reality of our society and more glad to see Harish for taking this courageous step of telling the world about it. Later in 2011 Onir comes up with the film “I am Abhimanyu” based on the life of Harish Iyer and Ganesh Nallari. And now Aamir Khan confronts the much taboo’ed topic in his show “Satyamev Jayate” leaving no stone unturned.

 I would like to thank those people who are trying to make difference and on the whole making the country more humane.

Thank You Richa, it all started with you. It’s you who took the first step to tell India that her future is falling prey to “abuse”. Thank you so much for being such an inspiration for others.

Thank you Harish, nothing much to say, you have been there fighting for it for years and we are all proud of you.

Thank you Onir, for such a wonderful film.

Thank you Aamir for leaving the whole India deeply moved with the hidden reality of our families.

And as per the latest news Child Sexual Abuse Bill has been successfully passed in Loksabha. Time to cheer.. yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy….  

Ek time constraint se bhari bechari LOVE (?) story, with other affecting factors

Well this writing is all about how when you fall in love, you go on, you let disasters happen, the true pictures of your inner feelings come face-to-face, you witness this way too absurd state of yours, family and friends just brainwash you, and you are in the end, confused and clueless. It’s based on true story but as per the protagonist’s request I am here going to change the names. So let’s call him RAHUL (too common a name, waise bhi “naam to suna hi hoga”) and lets call her Anjali. ;)

Let’s first have their introduction.

Rahul: A boy next door you’ll find, simple and naïve and way too stereotypical, you know what I mean? Someone who never puts his bike’s key in a proper place just so it saves him time that would go into searching for it now and then, or never switches off the lights or the fan to save electricity, or never learnt to remove his shoes exactly where it should be so it doesn’t block the doorway entry, and many other things, you got it right? In short a typical Indian guy who is ecstatic about loud and noisy music and Sachin scoring a century is something more than a personal accomplishment for him.

Now Anjali: Well, I never got to know her personally, which is why I keep this bit low-key and free of any judgements.

So to start off, Rahul and Anjali meet through common friends four months ago. That evening Anjali who actually had seen Rahul once before and liked him, confessed to him about her liking. And Rahul without having any feelings whatsoever towards her, accepted it thinking “I don’t have any girl friends, so let me give it a try” :s

And then, long calls, after work meetings, Sunday night dinners, finally they had started to like each other. Mind you they just had liked each other. So one fine day in the presence of their friends, Rahul proposes to her, and she.................well....................accepts! J

And soon I got to know that the “proposal” was forced by a common friend. As they were headed out together they wanted him to propose to her in their presence (whether he wanted to or not, was secondary I guess, they didn’t bother to ask him, nor was he himself concerned about it). I wonder if he ever did ask himself this question “Do I love her really, or not?”.

Begane ki proposal main Abdulla Deewana..

And then in last four months nothing much changed, long calls were still happening as well as the meetings, but for one thing that changed - Rahul was in love with her. But she as it appeared, had yet not crossed the “liking” stage.

Kahani Me Twist:

Anjali’s parents were forcing her to get married (the time constraint shows up here), and so one day Rahul goes to meet her parents to ask for Anjali’s hand for marriage. All this while she still, remember, hasn’t crossed the “liking” stage, or should I be blunt enough and say - doesn’t really love him.

Why the hell did she agree to Rahul meeting her parents?

Her parents didn’t approve of Rahul as a viable candidate as he didn’t belong to their cast... Pweeeeh…


And now she wouldn’t go against her parents’ will!

Or her own will I guess??

Not clear at all…


But one thing is clear that Rahul is saved from falling into a trap, and it’s better that way to not marry her and end up in a love-less relationship. So she may have taken a wise decision in the end. Both for herself and for Rahul.

Rahul and Anjali’s common friends:

Now the common friends of the two, one who already has had 12 girlfriends in the past and one who is currently in an extra marital affair... are now bitching about Anjali and calling her a characterless woman. I wonder what they must be thinking about themselves? :P

Begane ki shaadi me abdulle abhi bhi dewaane hi hai..

And poor Rahul is trying hard to deal with such toxic remarks about her!

So now things are on a pause between them.

So things I want to ask, tell and want to think is that??

1. How “giving time to a relationship” is important?
2. What is the limit to which you must allow your family and friends to sneak
into your personal and private life?
3. I don’t understand when Rahul says that he couldn’t create love for him in
her. Can love be created? And if you think you can create love, do you
actually understand what love is?

The twilight…part 1….( Not about the movie of course, )

It was last Friday when I was heading towards home from the city of Ahmedabad. I boarded the bus which was scheduled to leave at 4.30p.m. And hell! I was up for a three hours long journey finding myself in the world’s most-crammed bus ever, placed over one of the least comfortable seats ever. It was 6.15 pm, and I saw the setting sun as the bus coursed on the Bridge of River Mahisagar, the fourth largest river of Gujarat. The beautiful river demarcates the two districts and just as the bus crossed the bridge the first thing that met the eyes were huge areas of mining and factories that churned out little pieces of stones. The dust coming out from the factories and the mines added to the gloominess brought in by the setting sun. The roads were deserted and people were nowhere within sight. Peeping out of the window I could only see loneliness and hollowness, and unfortunately, I loved the feeling it evoked in me. It reminded me of the scene in the film named Border, in the end, where in Akshay Khanna dies and Pooja Bhatt waits for him with longing eyes. I forced myself to think of something that made me feel good about this twilight.


Way back in 90’s, I guess somewhere in 1996, I was 8 years old and my sister was 11. Our house lay close by the river where it took a sudden meandering turn along its path. On the bank opposite to where my home was, there was a small Dargaah. Kehne ke liye it was close, but it was an altogether different place, a world apart. My side was crowded with people and their ill-planned houses, and the other side, also crowded but with trees and trees with birds and their chirpings. One fine Sunday when twilight struck, my dad took me and my sister to that place. I was thrilled to be on my dad’s Bajaj Super Scooter, nestled safely in the leg space provided, right in front of him. It almost felt as if it was I who was riding the bike. It barely took us ten minutes to exit our world and to enter the magical world on the other side. After crossing the bridge, we left the main road and took the small path that was covered with a lot of dirt. The muddy path was adorned on both sides by rows of fragrant Nilgiri trees. The birds were chirping at its peak, but it wasn’t noisy, it was the music of the souls and I can feel it even today. As we reached the Dargaah, we found nobody around but for the Maulvisaab along with a few Peacocks that ran here and there. I had never seen one up close. Dad led me inside the Dargaah. My sister waited outside. The atmosphere inside was suffused with the aroma of rose petals and incense sticks which made the experience divine. Once my Dad and I were outside, the Maulvisaab made gentle hand movements over me and my sister holding a bunch of peacock feathers that were tied together. Dad then took us both to a small path behind the Dargaah that seemed to disappear into the river. As we gently stepped down that path, I couldn’t contain my excitement any longer and I took the plunge. My sister followed. The best time of my life, splashing around carelessly in the waters, dancing away and trying my best to play God – as in, making desperate attempts to walk on water, but all in vain. One of the best things about childhood, of believing one could achieve the impossible.

And then it was time to leave. It was getting darker by the minute and dad thought it best to leave to home. As we walked towards the scooter, I remember looking back one last time, to fill my eyes with the beautiful sight of the Dargaah and everything around it, which made me so happy. I haven’t visited that place ever again in my life after that. The muddy path, the trees, the birds, the Dargaah, the Peacocks, the path to the river, are still locked up in my memory, never to be erased. And these memories come rushing through when I’m bathed in twilight, when I hear the birds chirp, or see a river flow, it gives me the feeling of having magically been transported to that very place yet again, and as if, time has come to a standstill, even years after years..

What would you do?*

well, this aint by me, and i had shared it many times with many ones. and i guess you are already aware of this. but this is close to my heart, and i just thought of sharing it here.


There was a guy just like us. Young, tall, smart, educated, aspiring to achieve SOMETHING, to be happy in life, to earn money and with someone to love. But, unfortunately, today he lost everything. He lost all the people who once loved him, a job which had once given him a sense of security, and mostly the hope which had given him a reason to live, a reason that had kept him strong, a reason that had kept him going. Alone in his room, leaning against the wall, smoking a lot, he finally decided. He finally decided to DIE.
He thought of many available options to commit suicide and then chose the nearby just a kilometre away railway tracks. He thought going down the running train and ending his painful life. But miraculously before leaving home somehow he wished to give his life a last single and fair chance. So he decided while walking towards the tracks he is going to meet many people, many people will pass by him and if anyone of them would smile at him and if that would make him smile too – he would take that as a hint towards “everything can be alright” he will then not die. He will then give himself another chance, another chance to make things correct and another chance to live again.
Well, forget what happened to him. This isn’t story of him and I too don’t know what happened to him? Is he alive or not? I don’t have any idea. I just want to ask YOU a simple question.
If that guy came across your way what would you do???

* this article is taken from the book "Adadhi Sadi ni Vanchanyatra" (half century's reading)

"Dreams" On Wings.

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Almost a year before a thought of writing something came to mind. A not at all connected friend named as Yadhu Krishna had influenced me about penning down my thoughts. So after a year, here I am.

Like thousands of people, I’ve started writing with not just some thoughts but something that is deep inside me, a piece of me, my dreams, my love and my hatred, my gains and my loses, my smiles and tears, me myself. I m thinking of calling this process as “making myself as I am (supposed to be)”

Every day, as I kiss my loved one goodnight, he asks me what I’d do before going to bed and the first thought that would always haunt me was “I will write something”. J

But whenever I tried to do that I couldn’t. Every time I felt “naah, something is missing”. And deleted many files many times. I was not like this before, I am changed.*

I was thinking what could possibly be the reason behind this change?? My busy academic life? Knowing my capabilities (that they are much more than I always thought)? A long lasting family issue that was finally sorted, which gave me so much relief? Actually the answer is the one person, almost two years ago I met this person, a guy who was on a jolly rideJ, and then we became friends, best friends, and now we are synonyms of each other. Kuch bhi naam do. Thoda sa alag sa, very well organised, knows what to do and what not to do? He knows how to live life. Sometimes I think what my life could have been without him? Could my birthday be so beautiful, so colorful without his drawings? My mornings would have indeed been so lonely without his texts. I share my life with him, he owns my life. It’s his. I love him.

I am changed; I now see a glass half full as just that, rather than half empty. Thanks to him.

*no conditions apply.